Memories

"You know, time it only moves one way
Away from yesterday
Oh, but memories never fade"

This is one of the best phrases out of any song. And, since you are wondering, yes, its from a Jason Aldean song. I have lots of imagery when I hear this part of the song, lots of thoughts and old memories flood my mind. I can remember things that were good and bad. The negative part is that it makes me wonder about the roads I have chosen for myself.

Memories: one can enjoy them or run from them, but they will still be there. I have somethings I regret and somethings I know I will cherish forever. My background led me to have good and bad experiences. I have never fully understood everthing that has occured in my life, but really, are we suppose to know? I can see what has led me to where I am today, I know what caused it all, I know why at those particular moments I chose what direction I was going to go in...but I do not fully understand why alternatives were never clearly formed in my head. I am not saying I regret my life by any means, I am saying that somedays the "what ifs" can take over.

I love most aspects of my life...husband, kids, family. But I do still catch myself saying "what if" I did this at this moment or that at this moment? Its all very confusing sometimes. I do not let it take over, but sometimes discussing things can help. So here I am...writing about some of my inner feelings...scary!

I am not sure how to discuss my thoughts w/o really giving much away! Its difficult. I know why I moved away from home when I did, I know what I was feeling then. It was a big tangles mess of feelings and thinking the my friends weren't "there" for me anymore. One of my best friends went behind my back and lied to me and it was all very hurtful. I was betrayed by a person who I had trusted. Of course this was not my first time to be betrayed, but we can save that for later. Anyway, I moved in a hurry and lost contact with most everyone from back home. Its mostly my fault as I got consumed in a new love and an entirly new life.

Long story short, sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I not left in a hurry. Left when I did. What would I be doing today? Is it strange that I think of this? Why do I keep going back? I have always done this, even before I moved away, ever since I was little kid. Guess that means its normal for me to wonder about what "could have been."

On a better note, my Jason Aldean concert is in a week! Also, spring semester starts in a few days. I have lots to be thankful for and lots to keep my busy, keep my mind going forward. Yes, time does move fast and it moves in only one direction, but I will always remember things. I just need to focus on the good memories rather than the bad ones!!