So, its been a long while since I have last posted something. I am sorry about that. Not sure why I haven't wrote, I have tons of things to write about, just haven't really had a lot of time! I have thought of many topics to write about and but nothing ever materialized from it all. What do I want to write about today? Things that have happened over the last few months? Life? Love? Kids? News events? I am not sure, so I am just gonna type whatever hits my mind.
Life is a journey, it is what we make it. Good or bad. We all make decisions that put us where we are. I can go back and lay my decision making out. The things that led me to where I am today, I know exactly how I got to where I am at. It is not a big secrete to me. Of course at the time I could never see where I would be today. I will start by staying that its amazing to see how things work out. I mean, God truly does work in mysterious ways, but sometimes you can go back and see exactly what He was doing to get you to certain points in your life. I feel like telling my story today. Of course somethings are still in the works and I am not sure how they will end up, but some I have figured out and can appreciate what happened.
I am going to start with the end of my senior year of high school. The year 2002. I had many friends, but only a few really good friends. One of them, decided to do somethings behind my back. I will go further, but lets just remember I was a 17yr old girl...a teenager....with teenage feelings. Ok with that being stated lets go further. I had the biggest crush on a guy I worked with. He was a few years older and a college boy. A nice guy, who to my dismay only wanted to be my friend. But my friend and I would hang out with him and his buddies on his breaks at work. We would stop by just to say hi to him. You know...teenage crush things. I was head over heals for a guy who didn't like me the same why. I was slowly realizing that my life would change soon, just due to the fact that I was going to graduate high school and eventually move away for college. One thing I never expected was for my friend to hurt me so bad. This same friend who helped me "stalk" my crush decided he would make a good prom date for her. I had found out that she had begun dating him behind my back. She brought him to prom...while I went stag. Stag, was a loser? I am not sure, a few guys who found out about a week before prom told me they would of asked me, but they assumed I already had a date. Personally, it didn't matter to me...all that did was the dress. Anyway, my other friend and I showed up at prom and we saw them together. I was crushed. She never said anything to me about it. Not once did she say she even liked him. She was always helping me get his attention. She was always encouraging me to take the leap and ask him out myself. I am not sure if I was just blind to her feelings or what. But the hurt I felt propelled my life into fast forward. I decided I wasn't her friend anymore. I made a few hasty decisions that would set up my future.
Once I was screwed over by my friend, I made the decision to move away. I had already planned to go away to college and live with some family. However, my original plan was to move up there in late summer, I sped that up to move away right after graduation. This decision would change my life. Once I moved up with my family I was introduced to a guy. I had seen him a couple times before when visiting my sister. This guy had a smiled I loved, but not really my type. I decided to give it a shot anyway.
It was a fast moving relationship. Going so fast with no signs of stopping. No signs of either one of us wanting to quit. It was love. Love, something I wasn't sure I would ever experience. I had wanted love, but wasn't desperate for it. I wasn't looking for it, especially at this specific time in my life. I wanted to just go out and have fun, be young and careless. But there it was...staring me right in the face. I couldn't help the way my heart was feeling, I tried a few times to slow it all down, give my brain sometime to process this new thing. I couln't, it was there, I couldn't stop. It was like running down a steep hill. You know if you keep picking up speed your going to just eat grass, but if you try to stop you will eat it too...so you just try to maintain your speed and hope for the best. I decided that would be my plan of action. I was now 18 and in love. By the time college rolled around I was engaged. Very quick, but very real for me. Nothing could change the way I felt about this man. He was my new life. A life I threw my whole being into. One that I didn't imagine for myself, but one I wouldn't change.
I am going to stop now....I will continue next time....so please stay tuned!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Another Concert
So this past weekend I went to a Jason Aldean concert. It was another great concert. I swear, though, they go by so fast!
The concert opened with the JaneDear Girls. They were fine, not too bad. One of the chicks liked to wiggle her bum a LOT!They weren't out there for very long! Next up was Eric Church. He did really great. I do wish he had played the stage a little bit. He seemed to stay in one spot the entire time and not move around a whole lot. He did, however, get really into his songs. He really showed some emotion in his songs. He felt what he was singing. It was cool.
Jason was great! As always! I love seeing him perform. He really gets into his performance. He plays the stage and gets the entire place going. Everyone gets into it. I had a great spot right by the stage. I do wish I had a better camera b/c my phone didn't really cut it. I did have my regular camera there, but the battery ran out so I didn't get that many pics with it. On my phone, the lights were so bright you couldn't really see faces in the pictures. A little frustrating, but I am not worried about it.
Next time I see Jason, I promised my son I would take him. I have seen Jason three times now and had great seats (well standing spots...lol) each time. I am greatful for that. My son, though, loves Jason Aldean and can sing pretty much every song of Jason's word for word. So I think if he comes back around here I will try and get some front row seats (actual chairs) for us to sit in so he can see him live. I think my son would absolutly love that. I do worry about his age and the noise and stuff, but I think if I take some ear plugs or something that will help if he has some issues.
On another note, I am super ready to get my vacation time....I don't get anymore vacation time until April :( frustrating. I am ready to figure out what I want to do with my vacation. It will probably be my last on for a while. If I get into the program that I need to get into it starts in August and that means that I will need to quit my job. :) While this is something I REALLY want, it does mean I will lose my benefits---this includes vacations. When I get a new job I will have to start that all over again. I have been with my company now almost 4yrs (ok, 4yrs in April) and I get 2 wks of vacation. I love vacation! Oh well, I can't stay somewhere I am not happy at just for the vacation. So I plan on living up my last two vacations once I know I am in the program. I will have from April to August to use two weeks. We will see what the future holds. Right now, I feel I am in an awesome place and know that my life is headed in the right direction!!
The concert opened with the JaneDear Girls. They were fine, not too bad. One of the chicks liked to wiggle her bum a LOT!They weren't out there for very long! Next up was Eric Church. He did really great. I do wish he had played the stage a little bit. He seemed to stay in one spot the entire time and not move around a whole lot. He did, however, get really into his songs. He really showed some emotion in his songs. He felt what he was singing. It was cool.
Jason was great! As always! I love seeing him perform. He really gets into his performance. He plays the stage and gets the entire place going. Everyone gets into it. I had a great spot right by the stage. I do wish I had a better camera b/c my phone didn't really cut it. I did have my regular camera there, but the battery ran out so I didn't get that many pics with it. On my phone, the lights were so bright you couldn't really see faces in the pictures. A little frustrating, but I am not worried about it.
Next time I see Jason, I promised my son I would take him. I have seen Jason three times now and had great seats (well standing spots...lol) each time. I am greatful for that. My son, though, loves Jason Aldean and can sing pretty much every song of Jason's word for word. So I think if he comes back around here I will try and get some front row seats (actual chairs) for us to sit in so he can see him live. I think my son would absolutly love that. I do worry about his age and the noise and stuff, but I think if I take some ear plugs or something that will help if he has some issues.
On another note, I am super ready to get my vacation time....I don't get anymore vacation time until April :( frustrating. I am ready to figure out what I want to do with my vacation. It will probably be my last on for a while. If I get into the program that I need to get into it starts in August and that means that I will need to quit my job. :) While this is something I REALLY want, it does mean I will lose my benefits---this includes vacations. When I get a new job I will have to start that all over again. I have been with my company now almost 4yrs (ok, 4yrs in April) and I get 2 wks of vacation. I love vacation! Oh well, I can't stay somewhere I am not happy at just for the vacation. So I plan on living up my last two vacations once I know I am in the program. I will have from April to August to use two weeks. We will see what the future holds. Right now, I feel I am in an awesome place and know that my life is headed in the right direction!!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Distracted
As I sit at my computer I am surrounded by mounds of memories.
Today, as I was at work, my husband cleaned the house up for me. He even cleaned off our desk and got the laptop all set up. Since I have 2 online classes for the spring sememster, I need a place to do my work. I am very greatful for this.Now as I sit down to start the semester I am having one problem: My desk is surrounded by papers and books from the past.
I pulled out one of the books and in it was a weeks worth of daycare daily sheets. The week in question? My oldest son's first week at the daycare. It even had his little 2month old feet prints on one of the pages. It took me back to that very week. I felt a little sense of sadness, yet overwhelming happiness. My oldest child was a wonderful baby. He hardly ever cried, even when he had all his ear infections. He was my light...still is even though he will be 5 very soon! Anyway, I am sad because I miss the baby he was. I am happy because I get to see God's handiwork, a human life, grow and learn. He has learned so much in these past (almost 5) years. He is such a happy, out going, lively little boy...excuse me, big boy. He likes to show me new things he learned and he loves to learn new things all the time. He can be a lot to handle some days. But even on his worst days I know I wouldn't trade him for anything at all. He is my life and he keeps me going. Kids have a way of doing that. Its amazing to think of how he started out, and now look at him. I remember the fist ultrasound, nothing but a little peanut looking thing. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that he is such a strong and healthy boy.
As I look around I find my planner. My planner from back in the day. I unzip it, it has 2 college id's in it. My one from 2002, my first year in college. The other was when I transfered, for one semester, to another college, fall of 2005. Geez, crazy seeing those. I thought they were lost forever. I look through the calender and it has listed Eider's baptism date and my cousin's birthday. November 2006. What a busy month that was.
Next, I see my high school year book. Hmmmm, there are two of them. I open one up and realize it was my best friends. I do not recall how I ended up with it, but maybe I should message her and let her know I have it. She may want it back. Inside its filled with lots of memories and life lessons. I remember taking my senior picture, I remember the football field. Lots of memories were left behind in those halls and yet, when I open the yearbook they all come flooding back!
Its amazing how such a small, tight, confined space can hold so many memories. Memories I will forever treasure. I see art work from both my boys, employment stuff from when I first started my job, pictures, books, medical histories...so many things. They all take me back to different periods in time! Each one of these memories helped shape and mold me into who I am today. As I look around I realize just how truly blessed I am. I thank God for all these memories and can only hope He allows me to create many many more new memoires!
Today, as I was at work, my husband cleaned the house up for me. He even cleaned off our desk and got the laptop all set up. Since I have 2 online classes for the spring sememster, I need a place to do my work. I am very greatful for this.Now as I sit down to start the semester I am having one problem: My desk is surrounded by papers and books from the past.
I pulled out one of the books and in it was a weeks worth of daycare daily sheets. The week in question? My oldest son's first week at the daycare. It even had his little 2month old feet prints on one of the pages. It took me back to that very week. I felt a little sense of sadness, yet overwhelming happiness. My oldest child was a wonderful baby. He hardly ever cried, even when he had all his ear infections. He was my light...still is even though he will be 5 very soon! Anyway, I am sad because I miss the baby he was. I am happy because I get to see God's handiwork, a human life, grow and learn. He has learned so much in these past (almost 5) years. He is such a happy, out going, lively little boy...excuse me, big boy. He likes to show me new things he learned and he loves to learn new things all the time. He can be a lot to handle some days. But even on his worst days I know I wouldn't trade him for anything at all. He is my life and he keeps me going. Kids have a way of doing that. Its amazing to think of how he started out, and now look at him. I remember the fist ultrasound, nothing but a little peanut looking thing. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that he is such a strong and healthy boy.
As I look around I find my planner. My planner from back in the day. I unzip it, it has 2 college id's in it. My one from 2002, my first year in college. The other was when I transfered, for one semester, to another college, fall of 2005. Geez, crazy seeing those. I thought they were lost forever. I look through the calender and it has listed Eider's baptism date and my cousin's birthday. November 2006. What a busy month that was.
Next, I see my high school year book. Hmmmm, there are two of them. I open one up and realize it was my best friends. I do not recall how I ended up with it, but maybe I should message her and let her know I have it. She may want it back. Inside its filled with lots of memories and life lessons. I remember taking my senior picture, I remember the football field. Lots of memories were left behind in those halls and yet, when I open the yearbook they all come flooding back!
Its amazing how such a small, tight, confined space can hold so many memories. Memories I will forever treasure. I see art work from both my boys, employment stuff from when I first started my job, pictures, books, medical histories...so many things. They all take me back to different periods in time! Each one of these memories helped shape and mold me into who I am today. As I look around I realize just how truly blessed I am. I thank God for all these memories and can only hope He allows me to create many many more new memoires!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Memories
"You know, time it only moves one way
Away from yesterday
Oh, but memories never fade"
This is one of the best phrases out of any song. And, since you are wondering, yes, its from a Jason Aldean song. I have lots of imagery when I hear this part of the song, lots of thoughts and old memories flood my mind. I can remember things that were good and bad. The negative part is that it makes me wonder about the roads I have chosen for myself.
Memories: one can enjoy them or run from them, but they will still be there. I have somethings I regret and somethings I know I will cherish forever. My background led me to have good and bad experiences. I have never fully understood everthing that has occured in my life, but really, are we suppose to know? I can see what has led me to where I am today, I know what caused it all, I know why at those particular moments I chose what direction I was going to go in...but I do not fully understand why alternatives were never clearly formed in my head. I am not saying I regret my life by any means, I am saying that somedays the "what ifs" can take over.
I love most aspects of my life...husband, kids, family. But I do still catch myself saying "what if" I did this at this moment or that at this moment? Its all very confusing sometimes. I do not let it take over, but sometimes discussing things can help. So here I am...writing about some of my inner feelings...scary!
I am not sure how to discuss my thoughts w/o really giving much away! Its difficult. I know why I moved away from home when I did, I know what I was feeling then. It was a big tangles mess of feelings and thinking the my friends weren't "there" for me anymore. One of my best friends went behind my back and lied to me and it was all very hurtful. I was betrayed by a person who I had trusted. Of course this was not my first time to be betrayed, but we can save that for later. Anyway, I moved in a hurry and lost contact with most everyone from back home. Its mostly my fault as I got consumed in a new love and an entirly new life.
Long story short, sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I not left in a hurry. Left when I did. What would I be doing today? Is it strange that I think of this? Why do I keep going back? I have always done this, even before I moved away, ever since I was little kid. Guess that means its normal for me to wonder about what "could have been."
On a better note, my Jason Aldean concert is in a week! Also, spring semester starts in a few days. I have lots to be thankful for and lots to keep my busy, keep my mind going forward. Yes, time does move fast and it moves in only one direction, but I will always remember things. I just need to focus on the good memories rather than the bad ones!!
Away from yesterday
Oh, but memories never fade"
This is one of the best phrases out of any song. And, since you are wondering, yes, its from a Jason Aldean song. I have lots of imagery when I hear this part of the song, lots of thoughts and old memories flood my mind. I can remember things that were good and bad. The negative part is that it makes me wonder about the roads I have chosen for myself.
Memories: one can enjoy them or run from them, but they will still be there. I have somethings I regret and somethings I know I will cherish forever. My background led me to have good and bad experiences. I have never fully understood everthing that has occured in my life, but really, are we suppose to know? I can see what has led me to where I am today, I know what caused it all, I know why at those particular moments I chose what direction I was going to go in...but I do not fully understand why alternatives were never clearly formed in my head. I am not saying I regret my life by any means, I am saying that somedays the "what ifs" can take over.
I love most aspects of my life...husband, kids, family. But I do still catch myself saying "what if" I did this at this moment or that at this moment? Its all very confusing sometimes. I do not let it take over, but sometimes discussing things can help. So here I am...writing about some of my inner feelings...scary!
I am not sure how to discuss my thoughts w/o really giving much away! Its difficult. I know why I moved away from home when I did, I know what I was feeling then. It was a big tangles mess of feelings and thinking the my friends weren't "there" for me anymore. One of my best friends went behind my back and lied to me and it was all very hurtful. I was betrayed by a person who I had trusted. Of course this was not my first time to be betrayed, but we can save that for later. Anyway, I moved in a hurry and lost contact with most everyone from back home. Its mostly my fault as I got consumed in a new love and an entirly new life.
Long story short, sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I not left in a hurry. Left when I did. What would I be doing today? Is it strange that I think of this? Why do I keep going back? I have always done this, even before I moved away, ever since I was little kid. Guess that means its normal for me to wonder about what "could have been."
On a better note, my Jason Aldean concert is in a week! Also, spring semester starts in a few days. I have lots to be thankful for and lots to keep my busy, keep my mind going forward. Yes, time does move fast and it moves in only one direction, but I will always remember things. I just need to focus on the good memories rather than the bad ones!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
FINALLY
Ok, guys so I have been living in the dark ages! But no longer folks! I am now officially connected to the internet at my house! I have never actually had the internet at any house I have lived at, so this is really a major first. I also now have a laptop...and and iPad. The iPad was a suprise Christmas gift! Anyway, this will help me out in my future ventures...such as my online classes that start in a few weeks. I am super excited to be able to sit on my couch and do stuff online. Before I would just do my online stuff at work...which isnt necessarily the best thing to do!
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